搞笑心情语录伤感短句英文(婚后语录心情伤感)

1.
"I
told
my
wife
she
was
drawing
her
eyebrows
too
high.
She
looked
surprised. "】

2.
"I'm
not
lazy,
I'm
just
conserving
my
energy. "】

3.
"I
never
make
the
same
mistake
twice.
I
make
it
three
or
four
times,
you
know,
just
to
be
sure. "】

4.
"I
wish
everything
was
as
easy
as
getting
fat. "】

5.
"I’m
not
arguing.
I’m
just
explaining
why
I’m
right. "
6.
"My
biggest
weakness
is
my
inability
to
focus
on
one
thing
for
too
long,
oh
look,
a
squirrel!"】

7.
"I
always
wanted
to
be
somebody,
but
now
I
realize
I
should
have
been
more
specific. "】

8.
"I’m
not
short,
I’m
fun-sized. "】

9.
"I
have
a
photographic
memory,
but
I
always
forget
to
charge
the
batteries. "】

10.
"I
may
be
a
terrible
person,
but
at
least
I’m
not
a
hypocrite. "】

11.
"I'm
not
weird,
I’m
limited
edition. "】

1
2.
"Whenever
I’m
sad,
I
just
imagine
my
dog’s
face
and
I
instantly
feel
better. "】

1
3.
"I’m
not
arguing,
I’m
just
explaining
why
I’m
right. "】

1
4.
"Some
people
just
need
a
high-five.
In
the
face.
With
a
chair. "】

1
5.
"If
at
first
you
don't
succeed,
skydiving
is
not
for
you. "】

1
6.
"I’m
busy
practicing
social
distancing
from
my
fridge. "】

1
7.
"I
am
not
lazy.
I
am
on
energy-saving
mode. "】

1
8.
"I’m
not
sure
if
I’m
sarcastic
because
of
my
sense
of
humor,
or
because
I’m
just
a
naturally
mean
person. "】

1
9.
"I’ve
always
wanted
to
be
somebody,
but
I
should
have
been
more
specific. "】

20.
"I
wish
I
loved
exercise
as
much
as
I
love
sleep. "】